Published May 12, 2008
Screaming. Dying echoes of screaming, filling her head with long lost, painful memories of misery and havoc. After the last screams had died out, cold air playing with her hair, and sun setting over the horizon, she was lost.
Lost. That was a scary word. It made your blood run cold.
* * *
Hey eyes flew open and landed on the blinking alarm clock next to the small, tattered bed. 1:02 am. Her breathing evened out as she relaxed. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. But she still couldn't remember why that memory kept coming back to her. It was all behind her now.
Matt shifted closer to her and in his dreams, put a big arm around her. She closed her eyes and snuggled into his chest, breathing in his scent. It was just a dream.....
* * *
She twisted the wedding ring on her finger nervously as she waited to be called into the doctor's office.
"Mrs. Winters." A nurse stood with her clipboard tucked under her arm at the far end of the room. She stood up and followed her back into the office. "Please wait here, Dr. Smith will be back to see you in a moment," the nurse's monotone voice droned. She took a seat in a chair in the corner of the room and waited. Waited for what seemed like hours. She wished Matt was here with her, but Matt didn't even know what she was doing.
The turning of the doorknob made her jump, and the doctor held a clipboard identical to the nurse's, tucked under his arm in the same fashion. He was smiling. No, please God, no.
"The test was a positive, Mrs. Winters." The words echoed in her head. She felt nauseated. Positive.
"Is there any way the test could have been wrong?" She whispered.
"Oh no, your quite far along. Four months." The doctor replied. "Congratulations."
* * *
The car door slammed as she slumped into her car seat. She buried her face in her hands and cried. People passing by gave strange looks of sympathy to the weeping woman in the parking lot of the urgent care. She didn't care. Once she had gathered most of her wits, she peeled out of the parking lot and sped down the road. She didn't care if she died. She didn't care at all. She wanted to die.
In the park there was a bridge over a lake, she remembered. Yes, now that she thought of it, there was. She headed in that direction.
* * *
The glassy surface of the water reflected her puffy red eyes and tear stained cheeks. Was that her? Instinctively, she brought a hand down to her belly and rubbed it. She could just start to make out the firmness of it. It wasn’t like a regular belly.
Her cell phone ringing in her pocket startled her. Matt. It was Matt.
“Hey babe,” she whispered, fighting back tears.
“You okay, Anahita?” his concerned voice asked over the phone.
She held the mouth piece away from her mouth so he would not sense any more concern. “Yes, of course.”
“Just checking up on you. I’ll be home early today. Let’s go do something fun.”
“Matt?” she started. “I got to tell you something.”
“Yes?”
Oh God. “Never mind. It can wait.”
“I got to go, Doll,” he whispered over the phone. “Boss.”
“Have a good day,” she replied.
“Anahita?”
“Yes?”
“I love you.” And then he hung up.
She slammed the cell phone shut and started to cry harder. She threw it into the lake below. She couldn’t kill herself now. Maybe later.
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141,261 Literary Works • 674,331 Reviews
Really, really good and intruging. I can't wait to read the next chapter. The only thing I can tell you is that "bloodcurdling" is one word, not two.
"Your" should be "hers" I think.
Saying it twice is repetitive, but if you want to have it there have it as a thought, or something to that effect. Just make it italics.
Thats adorable, but over used, I'd suggest some better phrases but I have a tendency to kill peoples ideas when I tell them to change something and give them an example.
I like that phrasing, its something I haven't seen in a while. ^_^ (you get extra points for that!)
You use "waited" twice in a row and it made it sound akward >.< maybe having..."room and waited. She waited for what seemed like hours."?
Haha, that made me laugh, I like that.
Dun dun dunnnn!!!!!!!!
You don't have to put that last sentence in there, it brings on the "duh we knew it was him the first time you said it!" response. Which is never good.
I like Matt ^_^ he seems like one of those teenage trouble makers cleverly disguised as a responsible adult. Why is it so horrid that she's pregnant? That should be good right? You'd better say in the next part, or soonish. The cliffhanger thing is okay for now but once you get passed the third chapter dealing with her its just annoying.
So far so good! Keep it up!
Well you've just caught my attention more than any story around here. A baby? What's so bad about that?! Well, I'd be scared about the pain, but aren't they married? She has a wedding ring...*asking these questions to myself, mostly*
Please PM me when more of this arrives, I'll be wanting to read it.
This needs to be italicized. Or you need some foreshadowing so people will know it's a dream.
This is unnecessary. You're only in a dream and I've never dreamed and thought at the same time.
This could be italicized also...for more effect.
Is she kneeling, standing? Show us!
Also, I thought the ending was rather abrupt and cliche. Show us her internal struggles, the tears as Matt says "I love you" You don't include enough thought in your characters and that makes them flat. Otherwise, good job!
Eghad!
This was probably the best story you've written so far. I mean... it was really great. I really liked it. Your grammar has gotten really great.
I would combine the bolded sentences.
'She' doesn't need to be capitalized.
“I got to go doll.” He whispered over the phone. “Boss.”
Comma after go and comma after doll. Take away the period. And lowercase the he.
I think that this is a little too dramatic. I wouldn't toss my phone over the edge of the bridge. I mean, even if I were pregant (yeah, that would be a little weird) the phone is still expensive. Maybe have her almost throw it over?
Overall, it was awesome. I wanna read the next chapter!
-Jared